Paris Hilton is seriously that hot

One of the following is true about Paris Hilton: A) She was photographed partying at Humboldt County's heady nightclub "dank" while sipping Organic Green-Teanis (tea and Grey Goose) chased with bong rips. B) Along with Bow Wow, Ciara, James "JY" Young, some dude from Nickelback, Dakota Fanning and Tupac, she is slated to appear on Diddy's next album, Crush, Hate, Crush: A Three-Act Epic. C) She is a modern genius.All of the possible answers are seemingly false, but the correct answer is C. Yes, Paris Hilton is, in fact, a genius and probably loves that you hate her. It makes her even more famous and even more of a genius.


Her last name doesn't invoke images of hotels or memories of Conrad Hilton, Paris's great-grandfather and hotel chain founder. Not anymore. It invokes the image of Paris's greenish face from that sex tape (one of the greatest career moves of all time). It requires work of genius proportions to steal thunder from a worldwide hotel chain.


Paris Hilton turned just being incredibly wealthy and good-looking into a "career." "Oh, that's so easy, anyone that rich could be that famous," is the common sentiment of Paris detractors, along with "%^*# that &!%^$" and "Damn, how I would love to %^*# that &!%^$."


Well, now any heiress can become famous based on wealth alone because Paris Hilton created the business model. But where are the other heiresses? Why aren't they famous? Your typical rich heiress probably wears swanky clothes, parties at swanky nightclubs and sips on swanky Starbucks. Do we hear about it? Nope. Should we? Nope. When Paris does it people have an active interest. Should we hear about it? Nope. Do people want to? Yep. People need to hate. And people will pay for it. She's in every tabloid, every gossip magazine. She's all over VH1, E! and the blogosphere. Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton (perezhilton.com) modeled his damn name after hers. And why not? This is the world we live in: Paris Hilton is "news."


She created a void in the void-less and over-saturated world of celebrity gossip and then single handedly filled it out as if it were a Scantron sheet. And yeah, a snarky dig at Paris would have been incredibly easy right there, maybe suggesting she tried to use a pink pen to fill out the sheet. I'll leave the snarky digs to the celebrity gossip bloggers (who just really wish they were celebrities) or the people who leave comments on celebrity gossip blogs (who just really wish they were Paris or just hate themselves).


However, Paris Hilton is a legitimate target for hate. She's extremely rich and the media can't stop gabbing about her. Two things everybody wishes they were: richer and more famous. She has a TV show, an album, a book, yet little-to-no discernible talent. But the giant irony is this is a cyclical paradox. There would be no TV show or album or media coverage to hate if Paris didn't market herself, becoming more famous off of reactionary hate, which makes people hate her. If you hate Paris Hilton, instead of posting a snarky comment about how she got cake frosting on her dress, put down the piece you are currently eating before you consume the whole damn ensemble. You are part of the problem. No one cares if you claim first post on Perez's blog.


If Paris has done one thing, she has marketed herself, and she has done it extremely well. Actually she has done one other thing: Rick Solomon. OK, so I took a dig at her. But it is Paris Hilton. It's just too easy. But she's still a genius. And hot.