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Consumerism: The Wild Turkey Theory


Published: Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Updated: Wednesday, January 22, 2014 11:01

black friday

Photo Courtesy of AP Style

Black Friday is the day known for hair pulling, grinding on strangers and unnecessary swearing just for a few bucks off a flat screen television - the ultimate kick-off to holiday shopping. The wild turkeys we turn into on this holiday are something I imagine nobody would be proud to admit to. The preposterous behavior consumers are notorious for on the Friday after Thanksgiving was astonishingly different this year. That is correct; I have found a loophole in dealing with the darkest of Fridays of the year. My Black Friday experience was calm, collected and slightly humorous. There is something about watching perfectly sane people go bananas over game consoles for the slightest of discounts. Here for you I would like to explain my favorite Black Friday experiences this year.

I have never actually attended Black Friday door buster deals for the sales but rather for the enjoyment of observing the wild turkeys squander. Unlike previous years, this year was disappointing. Instead of showing up at my super-saver destination two hours prior to open time as most Black Friday shoppers do, I decided to arrive fashionably late. On the drive to Target, I mentally prepared myself for over-crowded aisles, screaming soccer moms, some with strollers (get your children to bed) and impulse purchases. After a few deep breaths and a pot of coffee, I put on my war paint and rolled into the door to a surprising view - a small, manageable crowd of polite consumers.

The wild turkeys had already rampaged through the store, wreaked havoc and moved on to their next target. The calm mid-morning crowd was deeply concerning and confusing to me- I almost wanted to break out into a fight for the sake of the Black Friday routine. There was no hair pulling or electronics-section brawling over the new Xbox One as I had expected. Most people would appreciate this, but I am not most people. One sight that will never go unseen in my mind was searching for my boyfriend, only to find him swimming in a sea of consumers, carrying a 42-inch flat screen- the extremes some people put themselves through is unfathomable to me.

The scene at Cabela’s was something I had never seen in all of my Black Friday experiences. Since the store didn’t open until five in the morning, this led to some insane behavior. Their Black Friday special offer was a handful of generous gifts to the first 600 people in line. Once I heard this news, I knew where I would be stopping before the night concluded. I took a sweep around the building to the sight of RV’s, portable heaters, people bundled in sleeping bags in tents, the whole nine yards. One might think these people were preparing to camp on a mountain for two weeks. I was so unprepared I took an immediate walk of shame back to my car after witnessing what some call the hardcore Black Friday shoppers. I went to bed with a smile on my face that night and no desire to watch Netflix- I then decided that Black Friday “wild turkeys” are by far my prime source of entertainment.

After my adventure through the night from “brown” Thursday into Black Friday I know that I need to polish my shopping skills and come next year with a team and concrete plan. I might even consider walkie-talkies for a more complete experience.


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